It’s been a while after you left me that I realized I have forgotten to ask you to give me back my ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’. The fact that you decided to end it all on Valentine Day without a single phone call to me to explain things and just sent me one very confusing email of photo collage of you and your precious other half; left me confused for a while. It was difficult because for the first two months, I really did not feel like calling you at all. It was costly and besides, I had nothing to comment on your creative photo collage. A month after that I was still waiting for your explanation but nothing came, just silent. When your apologies came, it was nearly 7 months after and you were jet lagged from your long flight home and I was furious because you were crying like a baby. I honestly failed to understand why you were asking my forgiveness for your mistake. I mean, it was your mistakes, so you were the one who need to forgive yourself. Besides, what was the use of hoping for someone who can fight for you, when you realized he cannot even fight for himself? Was I right then to say so? Well, I still believe I was saying the right thing. So when you left again for another thousand miles, I was too addicted to all kind of TV shows to notice what happened around me. Sometimes my friends had to drag me away from the TV and brought me out for fresh air; or so they said.
By February the next year, I realized I lost my ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’. It took me forever to realize it. Unfortunately by then you were at the other end of the globe and I was on this part of the world; which made it really difficult for me to get my book back. If not, I could always walk to your place, knock on your door and ask for the book. After that, I guess I was too busy with studies I forgot to email you about the book. A year after that, I was too busy with debate competitions and a year after I was too tired from the previous year activities to think about anything. Two years after that I was so excited for my graduation and by the time it reached years five, I was so focused with my works to notice that I did not have my ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ with me.
Now that one of my cousins died from road accident leaving behind her two small children with a lost husband who love her to death, it reminds me of Scout, Jem and Atticus. Which further remind me how much I miss them after all of these years. That was when I realized I did not have the book with me. It was with you. It was with you all along those long years gone. The point is, I really want my book back. I might have deleted your email long ago, but I still miss the book until today. I have totally forgotten your phone number (really, you cannot blame smart phones nowadays when people cannot memorize numbers anymore), but I still remember of its 323 pages. Most importantly, I really want it back because it is hardcover and I bought it with my last part-time job’s salary before I left for campus life.
Therefore Finn, I really hope to get the book back. I do not know where you are now, apart from the fact our friends told me you are back in town for good. After all those years, Valentine Day is just another bloody day where people fall in and out of love, over and over again. In the end, love is just love. Or whatever it might be. I do not care anymore. I just want my book back. So if you happen to read this, I really want my book back.
p/s: Anyone who knows Finn, please tell him I want the book back. Thanks, and owh, Happy Valentine for those who feels like celebrating..